


Easier Said Than Done

by iMoony



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, F/M, M/M, New School, military brat, sibling OC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 00:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iMoony/pseuds/iMoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starting at a new school means a lot of things. Mostly for Marco Bodt it means another bout of his anxiety. Everyone always tells him to "be yourself." They obviously don't realize that's not as easy as it sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easier Said Than Done

My heart was pounding hard and fast while my lungs tried desperately to remember how to breathe. I felt like I was sweating but I knew better than to check. That would only make this worse. The best thing I could do is dive in. My hand, however, would not pull on the door handle of my sister’s car to allow myself out. The throng of teenagers I could see through the window-- huddled in various groups to avoid the freezing air-- were far more intimidating than they should be.

“Marco,” my sister chimed from the driver’s seat. I turned my head away from the crowd swarming on the lawn to look at her. I knew she could see the fear in my eyes when her own gaze softened. “You’ll be fine, I promise... But we need to get going. The school here starts at 8 and it’s 7:54... And your knuckle is turning white.” She spoke softly as if afraid of startling an animal.

“Y-yeah. Um, thanks for driving, Rebecca.” I finally pulled on the handle then pushed the door out, taking note that my knuckle did seem very pale. “We’ll meet up at 3, right?” I turned back to her as she got out of the car. My legs felt stiff as I stood. But they also felt like they were ready to give way beneath me with a single breeze. I zipped up my padded jacket, already feeling the cold seeping through my clothes.

Rebecca nodded as she faced me from her side. “And you have my new cell’s number if you have any trouble. You’ve got this, Marco. This is our fifth ‘first day’, it’ll be a breeze.” Rebecca slammed her door, swinging her keys around her forefinger with a smirk. I shut my door much quieter while I took a breath. I wish I had a third of the confidence she was trying to instill in me.

“You could use this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself without backlash. I certainly will enjoy giving up my goth phase,” Rebecca said. She chuckled briefly and I smiled at the memory. I hadn’t had the courage to tell my sister that her personality just had not fit being “goth”. She was much too bubbly to be wearing dark colors and black. But I hadn’t been the type of person to tell others what they should and shouldn’t do.

In a way, she had given me similar advice before. When we had moved during elementary school Rebecca had suggested I tried acting more confident. She had been the only person I had told about the bullies that had picked on me because of my freckles in our last school. Rebecca had protected me from the kids when she could, but as she started middle school at the new place, she could only leave me with words of encouragement and a promise to always walk me home.

Surprisingly, it had worked.

I still feel self conscious about my freckles but I don’t let it show. It takes a lot of work to stay confident, though. Sometimes I was jealous of my sister who had gotten the better hand when it came to the gene pool from our parents. While we had both gained our father’s dark brown eyes and brown hair she had also gained his lighter skin tone. I was perpetually tanned with freckles thanks to our mother. My sister was beautiful and not easy to dislike, while I, her gangly younger brother, had always made for easy pickings when it came to bullies.

My sister moved to walk beside me as we headed up toward the looming high school building before us. The front was pretty much deserted now and I felt a new wave of anxiety. We were going to be late. We had taken too long talking at the car and now I was going to have to walk into class late. It’s bad enough being the new kid in the middle of a school year, but late as well? I was drawing too much attention to myself.

Suddenly I felt a mitted hand slip into my own and when I turned to my left, Rebecca offered me a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. The vice principal wanted us to meet them in their office first; we were going to be late anyways, but we’ll at least have an excuse.” She squeezed my hand before letting it go to flop against my thigh.

I smiled to myself, enjoying the calm my sister’s presence provided me. It had always seemed odd to outsiders that my sister, who was older than me by a year and half, and I could get along so well, but I feel it came with being military brats. Often times we’d start off in a new place with no friends with only each other to rely on. At this point Rebecca knew more about me than anyone and I trusted her to keep it that way.

When I came out to her in middle school I had nearly been in tears from fear that she would reject me. Rebecca had smiled at me exactly like she always did when I allowed my anxiety to get the best of me. “Of course I still love you. You’re still my annoying, yet adorable, baby brother who could get away with murder, right?” All I could do was nod my head as drops leaked from my eyes and hiccups wrecked my throat already. Rebecca squeezed me in the tightest hug before turning back to the movie we had been watching together.

Three years later and I still hadn’t told anyone else.

"Marco?" Rebecca's voice drew me back to the present. Apparently I had stopped walking while lost in my thoughts. At least there I was safe from... everything. Looking up I noticed Rebecca's concern and decided I should ease her worry like she usually did for me.

Since Rebecca was already at the front door, holding it open for me, I bounded up the steps toward her, hoping to catch her off guard. "Polo," I said while prancing inside to open the next set of doors for her. Rebecca turned quickly to follow, a predatory look to her, and lounged at me with her hand outstretched. I easily dodged it from years of practice, denying her the tag, and grinned triumphantly at her. She glared at me as she passed, but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

This time I made sure to keep a few paces behind Rebecca on purpose, incase she decided to make another attempt. She silently led us to the front office where she signed us both in and asked the secretary to tell the vice principal that we had arrived.

I slid into one of three seats available and eyed my sister when she turned to join me. "Don't you dare," I hissed at her. I had made sure to sit in the right-most chair to have the opportunity for the most amount of space between Rebecca and I if she chose to sit. She shrugged nonchalantly, attempting to look innocent, and chose to roam the room. My eyes followed her with cautious attention until I was distracted by sounds coming from behind me.

I turned around to look through the office's floor to ceiling windows to see a crowd swarming in the middle of the main hall. I couldn’t really tell what was going on, but I got the sense it wasn’t good. "Uh..." I said, unsure how to state what I was seeing. I was about to alert the secretary of the commotion going on when I heard a door slam open. I turned to see what was happening within the office to find a rather short man entering from a small hall behind the secretary’s desk. He was quickly followed by a taller woman.

The woman seemed to almost bounce with every step she took while the man could not have looked angrier. He stalked on past the secretary at his desk, me sitting in a chair, and my sister standing nearly in front of the door out of the front office. Thankfully my sister had seen the man coming and had moved out of the way because I was pretty sure he would have shoved her. He was a man on a mission.

When he opened the door the shouting I had heard was much clearer. The classic chant of "fight, fight, fight!" was echoing through the building. I felt my stomach churn as an awful memory attempted to ruin my uplifted mood. It was a blessing when the door shut heavily and blocked out all but muttered yelling.

"Marco and Rebecca Bodt?"

I turned to face the woman and she offered a brilliant, yet a bit eccentric, smile at my sister and I.

"... Yes?" I answered hesitantly. My sister moved casually to stand before the woman, her hand out for a formal shake.

"You must be vice principal Hanji. It's very nice to meet you. I'm Rebecca Bodt and that is my brother, Marco."

The woman, Ms. Hanji as I have come to learn, eyed my sister's hand before grabbing it firmly. My sister and I were both surprised when she was yanked forward into a hug. "I'm not usually one for handshakes, I think they're too stuffy, and you can call me Hanji." She finally released my sister from her hold and leaned in. "I don’t really like titles," Hanji whispered. Only it was louder than what one would normally consider a whisper. I was sure no one in the room hadn't heard.

I saw Hanji turn to me and I stiffened as I was pulled into a hug of my own. I was surprised when I soon relaxed into it. Though Hanji was extremely forward, the overall mood reminded me of my mom. She also had a habit of creating her own flow and welcoming anyone into her home. This thought helped me calm down. I even forgot about the fight that had been going on in the hall.

That was until, while still pressed against Hanji in a hug, I watched the short man enter back into the front office. Somehow he was able to drag in two boys by their ears. The scene itself was funny, but the fact the two boys were still yelling insults at each kept me from laughing.

"Shut your mouth, Jaeger!"  
"Not until you give it up, Horse Face!"

Horse Face? That was an interesting insult for someone. At least, I think it was an insult and not an affectionate nickname. Unfortunately I was unable to get a good look at either of the two boys as the short man dragged them quickly into an office in the back. Even as Hanji released me and bounded behind the front desk, my eyes stayed trained on the door that shut behind the group.

Principal  
Erwin Smith

I had heard that this school had a strict rule on fighting but I had not expected the principal to get involve. Then again, the man had had the two students under control despite being nearly half their height. Maybe his anger was one to be wary of. I could easily imagine that.

"Don't mind that," Hanji said suddenly, having noticed where my attention had gone. "Those two are constantly at each other but it hardly ever actually resorts to violence. ‘Barks louder than their bites’, or something like that." Hanji divided a stack of papers in her hands into two and handed one to me and the other to my sister. "These are your schedules, your excuses for being late, and the student handbook. Be sure to have a parent sign the last sheet to turn into your home room teacher tomorrow." An alarm went off that caused our small group to jump, even including Hanji. The secretary was the only one to stay calmly in his seat though he did shake his head with a sigh at our reactions.

"Oh, that's me!" Hanji shouted with an awkward laugh. "Time for me to do the announcements." Hanji moved around behind the secretary's desk and grabbed a microphone from off the counter. She, however, addressed my sister and I one last time. "Your guides should be here soon to take you to Home Room.They will also help you find all your classes today and tomorrow, but if you get lost feel free to drop by my office." Hanji then pressed a button and cleared her throat.

"Good morning, Rosa High School, home of the raging Titans. It is a lovely but cold Monday with highs not expected to get above 35. But what else would you expect from January?"

I smiled before moving to stand beside my sister while we laughed to ourselves. It was hard not to be amused watching the vice principal bounce from foot to foot, eager as a child on Christmas.

"I, as well as the rest of the faculty and staff, would like to welcome you all back to our walls. We hope your vacation was great, but it's time to get back to learning!"

When the door to the office opened, I turned to see if it was our guides. Only one girl stood in the doorway and she was looking a bit lost since she allowed her gaze to sweep the room. Her and I made eye contact and she smiled. She quickly made her way over to me as if I had the answer to the question clearly plastered on her face.

"Are you Marco Bod-t?" She pronounced the d in my last name much harsher than it should have been, but I simply nodded my head. I guess I did have the answer. "Okay, good. I was worried I was going to be late. Hi, I'm Sasha! I'm your guide for this week!" Her smile and eager tone was infectious. I found myself smiling with her before I extended my hand for a shake.

Instead of shaking it Sasha slapped her hand against mine, taking me by surprise. She then balled up her fist and pulled it back. She looked eagerly at me, waiting. I stared at her blankly before slowing forming a fist myself. With a mighty force I was not expecting, Sasha fist-bumped me. “Alright, Marco, let’s get to Home Room before Hanji finishes.”

“Yeah, uh, just let me say goodbye to my sister.” Sasha shrugged and moved to wait by the door. My sister was holding back laughter at how awkward I was. I poked her in the shoulder, causing her to slightly lose balance. “Shut up, Becca.” I nodded back toward Sasha and smiled sadly. “I guess my ride is here first. I’ll see you after school.”

Rebecca wrapped her arms around my shoulders to give me one last hug. “I’ll see you. Make good choices.” I smiled and nodded, enjoying the reminder of our mom’s favorite saying. As I turned to leave I felt a sudden hard slap on my back. Damnit.

“And tag!” Rebecca shouted as she shoved me toward Sasha who quickly grabbed my wrist with a “c’mon!” and dragged me out of the room. “Just remember to be yourself!” Rebecca shouted after us.

The door closed with a thud leaving me to be dragged down the first hallway off of the main one. Hanji’s voice coming over the intercom and footsteps were the only sounds bouncing around the halls. With Sasha in control of my pace and direction, my mind was free to ponder my sister’s last piece of advice.

Be myself? I thought with a bit of a sneer. I wish it was as easy as that.

\----  
When I came back to myself, trying my best to shove my worries to the back of my mind, I found Sasha had dropped my hand and rushed ahead to a classroom’s door. I expected her to open the door and lead me in but instead she just peeked through the small window in the door. She seemed to be searching for someone before brightening up and waving dramatically in front of her face. Then her smile dropped as she started making faces.

Curious, I came up alongside her and peered through the window as best I could. About half the class was now paying attention to Sasha and her antics, but there was one boy who appeared to be making faces back at her after looking overtly affronted by her actions. He was bald with skin almost as dark as mine. People were looking back and forth between Sasha and the boy, trying their best to contain their laughter as the two squabbled through dramatic facial acting.

WHOP!

The view through the window was covered in chalk dust after the black eraser had fallen to the ground. I was amazed by the precision of the hit but also felt a cold wash of dread go down my back. I quickly plastered myself against the lockers on the other side of the door, hoping I would not be considered part of the trouble making dou should the teacher pop their head out. Then I heard it: laughter.

Sasha was doubled-over in her state of giggles. “Oh man,” she finally managed to choke out, “you should see your face. You look like you’ve just witnessed your own death.” She continued to laugh a bit longer before she sobered up, realizing I was not joining in. “Dude, chill.”

I was perplexed. “Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about being caught by the teacher?”

“Probably.” Sasha shrugged before gesturing for me to continue following her down the hall. “But that was my Biffle in there and I think most of the teachers have gotten used to us doing stuff like that. They know we’ll cut it out with a warning.” Her smile went from ear to ear as she turned to face me. She was now walking backward but had no trouble keeping step. “Plus, class hasn’t officially started yet. We have until Hanji stops talking.”

It was then that I noticed Hanji’s voice was actually no longer coming over the intercom. Sasha seemed to notice it too as her smile dropped. “Shoot!” She turned and rushed ahead to another door and threw it open, gesturing frantically for me to file in. I led Sasha into the room but while she slid into a seat in the back, I stood frozen.

Everyone’s eyes were turned toward the door, its sudden opening having caught their attention. I stood awkwardly at the front of the classroom. I could feel my heart pounding much too fast. My lungs were trying desperately to keep breathing. I felt like I was sweating again but I knew I really shouldn’t check; that would only make this worse.

“Ah, you must be the new student, Marco Bodt.”

The voice came from beside me. The teacher, a short woman with a kind smile, moved closer to me, seeking confirmation. Instantly her presence made it easier for me to focus on the positive things. At least my home room teacher seemed nice. Everyone was only staring because I’m new. I don’t look odd. I don’t look different.

The best thing I could do is dive in and be myself.

“Y-yeah. I just moved here.” I took a calming breath before turning back toward the class. “I look forward to getting to know all of you this semester.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of this story.
> 
> I hope to get back to writing now that a few things have settled down.


End file.
